mmm...turkey

I'm for some reason thinking that deep-frying a turkey for our annual Canada Day camping trip would be a pleasant and interesting diversion...yeah...this is bad.

But damn...deep fried turkey.

Yeah...this thought is gonna end up with me setting myself on fire.

Ha ha, Google, very funny

I just looked at my Google ads, at the bottom of the page. The 'relevant ads' that the Google Gods have deemed pertinent to my humble little blog are all about Procrastination!

Oh, Google, how do you know me so well!

Let there be lips!

Yea! I got to wear my fishnets and my boa!

Canstage is doing a production of Rocky Horror this season. Woooooooo! I just saw it for the 2^nd time. Ten times better the 2^nd time around. The first time I went, it was opening night, which is awesome and all, but not so much with the rest of the people there. Since it was subscriber night, there were far more little old ladies than one should ever see in the same room as half-clad transvestite aliens. This sweet little grandma-looking lady sitting right in front of us walked out ten minutes into the show. Not that I have any sympathy for that. Seriously, think about where you’re going for a second: if it involves half naked sluts, leave grandma at home. But whatever.

This time though, excellent crowd. It was an eleven pm show, and the crowd was totally into it.

Where else do you get to scream ‘Slut’ at the top of your lungs during a live musical?

Well, I'm an idiot

In an ironic twist of fate, I bought a parka today.

You'll notice some disparaging comments towards the purchasing parkas in the spring 2 posts down.

I couldn't help it. It was a sample sale.

The TV Gods hate me

Why, oh why, am I compelled to watch America's Next Top Model. I really couldn't care less. Yet, I continue to watch.

Oh cruel fate, why must you do this to me?

Oh, my aching ears

I had to drop by school after work for some more groupwork stupidness. This brings me right next to the mall. Since this godforsaken sub-artic wasteland of a city is finally starting to thaw out, I decided to drop by and get some slutty clothes so that I can hang my ass out a bit for the boys.

I stopped by Hollister, although who knows why. I don’t particularly like their clothes, nor do I ever see myself paying seventy bucks for a pair of sweatpants, but the outside of the store is cool. Lesson learned people: point of purchase optimization does work. The ditzy ‘my job is to stand by the door’ chick kindly reminded me to check out their shorts while I was there. What did you think I was doing there, bitch, looking for a new parka? You keep trying though, dear, maybe one day you’ll get promoted to the ditz who folds things.

What really got me though, was the song playing on the radio. It was a lameass pseudo-punk/emo/whatever-the-fuck-they-call-it-this-week, whiny bitch cover of Hey Jealousy by the Gin Blossoms. Now, I’ll admit, I did enjoy the Gin Blossoms for those two weeks that they were popular, back in the nineties. Did we really need a cover of this song? Or, more precisely, this cover of this song? It took me a few seconds to even realize that it was a cover. Further investigation reveals this little ditty to have been preformed by Hit The Lights – I have no clue who the fuck that is. Damn, I’m getting old.

I must admit, though, that I do have a huge weakness for punk covers. The point, though, should be to take something completely different, and punkify it. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes did a whole album of covers of showtunes! Now that’s entertaining. Reel Big Fish doing Take On Me. Not a punk cover, but Blues Traveler covering Gin and Juice is one of the most brilliant things that I’ve ever heard. I even have respect for that mess that Alanis Morrisette made of that dumbass Fergy tits song. At least she tried. It was a horrible, horrible trainwreck, but hey.

Another thing, I accidentally called my boss a little bitch today. Is that bad? He didn’t seem to mind, so hopefully I'll still have a job in the morning.

Jam my food, baby

There’s this show on the Food Network (the Canadian variant, at least.) called ‘Food Jammers’. It is very, very highly entertaining. These three guys must be the ultimate MacGuyver smokers. One of the Food Jammers, Nobu Adilman, even played a drug dealer on Trailer Park Boys (see?).

The basic premise of any given episode is this: they take something relatively simple to cook (e.g. pizza, tacos, etc.), and come up with some completely gratuitous, far-fetched, over-the-top, convoluted method of alternately preparing said foodstuffs. They built this gyroscope-thingy out of old bike wheel rims to cook a chicken over a campfire. In one episode they built a taco vending machine. Now, I’m as big a fan of making anything and everything accessible through handy, coin-operated slots as the next girl, but even I think this may be taking things just a smidge too far. Damn cool though.

All my respect goes out to these crafty young culinary engineers. Right now – I’m watching them make their own cheese!!! They’re going to build a mini cheese cave in their loft. I want a mini-cheese cave!

On second thought, maybe that's a bad idea - I'm having enough issues with mice as it is.

I have enough trouble summoning the will to drag my lazy ass to the freezer to throw some nasty frozen pseudo-dinner in to the microwave. But these guys almost inspire me to take some gastronomic initiative. I think I’ll eat a bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy instead, though.

Getting a little crazy with the girls

OK – first things first… “FACEBOOK IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE” ?!?!? What the fuck is that? I haven’t been online in just about 36 hours now, and the withdrawal is starting to hit pretty hard. How DARE they! Bastards.

Anyway…just more time to talk to you lovely people, I suppose.

Oh…phew. Back into Facebook. Life is good now.

ARGH! Kicked out again. Such a tease. But I suppose I am too, so just karma I guess.

Anyway, I just got back from a lovely drunken weekend at the casino in Niagara Falls with the girls. I good time was had by all. At least, the parts we can all remember.

Not enough gambling time, unfortunately. These crazy people all just want to go to the club. What is up with that? So I got my quick 30 minute gambling fix, and ended up a whole $10 richer. Woo hoo. Randomly ran into my boss in the casino. One of my friends sneezed on him. I’m so going to hear about that tomorrow morning.

The fancy club at the casino had a ridiculous line up, and we apparently weren’t slutted up enough to bypass that ridiculousness, so we hit some ghetto spot downtown that was half dead, and had completely horrendous music. More my style anyways.

Nothing better than a drunken weekend with the girls.

Moral of the story: Jagerbombs are bad.

Just when you think you finally escaped

Wow…even more people from highschool. As if Facebook isn’t bad enough for that shit. So I’m at this party. I see these two girls. I have a second of, “hey, they look kinda familiar’. This passes into, ‘well, I’m already half in the bag, of course they do’. The subject of said party mentions to me later that he knows I wrestled back in the day.

Well, yeah, how’d you know that?
Those girls told me.
Who the fuck are they?
They used to wrestle with you.

Well, no shit?!?

And indeed they did. And they recognize me, from that life many many moons ago. Fucking weird.

Another random thing…there were children crawling all around the bar. Who the fuck has their child’s birthday party at a bar? I mean really, should god forbid I ever spawn, I don’t even think that would ever occur to me. What is the world coming to?

So hell. Raise a glass, chug it down, and say cheers to yet another step towards the complete collapse of society as we know it.

So...

Well, it's almost the end of my official first day as a blogger.

Shouldn't I be rich or something by now?

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

Well, fuck it. Everyone and the grandmother is a blogger nowadays. So what the hell. Here I am. Please, feel free to ignore the meaningless drivel I will now proceed to spew into the vast realms of Internet wasteland, probably never again to be seen by anyone but me.

At least it should give me something other to do at work all day other than fuck around on Facebook.

Isn’t that just incredibly exciting? Well, buckle up folks. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.