And, of course, everyone in the City of Toronto forgets how to drive the second the first speck of rain hits the ground. Not that they were particularly stellar in this department before. (Of course, this observation coming from an as of yet not fully licensed drive herself - but still...) And don't even get me started on Toronto drivers come wintertime...
As a former Montréaler myself, I tend to get a serious hate-on for my adopted home of Toronto if I go to long without a little sojourn back home.
Lets do a little comparison.
Toronto: Hey look, a huge slab of rock fell off of the tallest office building in the city. Lets close one of the busiest streets in the downtown core for the next week. (This latest coming after this winter's 'hey look, ice is falling off of buildings. In the winter. Ohhh...shocker. Lets close the main highway into downtown Toronto for 3 days.')
((OK...Yes, ice falling off of the CN Tower is, perhaps, fairly alarming, but calm down people. The Gardner is pretty far away from the Tower.))
(((why am I so bracket-happy today?)))
Montréal: Hey look, concrete is falling off of the roof of the Big O (aka. former home of the Expos. Also aka. (for those who have already let my dear Expos fade from their memories) big stadium.) Cool. Let's get another beer.
Toronto: Well, it's just about mid-July now, I guess it's warm enough to put away my $400 North Face down jacket. Careful, though. It's almost August. Don't let it get too far away.
Montréal: I wear running shoes all winter.
Toronto: You'd like poutine, you say? Lovely choice, tonight we have a lovely variation fashioned from the rare Tibetan purple potato with a beef-cheek gravy and soy cheese reduction. The potatoes were peeled by vestal virgins. Only $120 per portion!
Montréal: You fuck with my poutine, I drown you in the St. Lawrence River.
(And with just cause.)
Toronto: Well, just because we haven't won the Cup since 1967 doesn't mean this isn't the year. Oh, wait, yes it does...
Montréal: Umm...I think 1993 is a little more recent than 1967...yes?
(And learn how to spell Toronto! L-E-A-V-E-S, say it with me people.)
Yes, there's stuff about Montréal that sucks too. Not as much as the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) though. Who builds a subway that runs outside in Canada? Ummm...I think it snows here in the winter. Subway+snow and ice = bad.
This all stems from the hour and forty-five minutes that it took me to travel the maybe two clicks (click=kilometre, for any American readers out there. Kilometre=oh, nevermind, go look it up) from work back home today. Not only was I foiled by the closure of King Street due to the aforementioned falling rock incident, but there was also a traffic accident caused by the incredibly inept 'driving' of Torontonians. Then my streetcar decided to short turn, so I got to go stand in the rain and wait for another one...ARGH
What did I do in a past life that was so evil that I've come to deserve an apparent lifetime dependence on public transportation?
I want poutine :(
And Spruce Beer. And smoked meat. And bagels. Oh, sigh, Montréal bagels...yummy. And to be hit on by a dirty middle aged drunken francophone. Oh, wait - I don't miss that part.
Who am I kidding, yes I do.
No comments:
Post a Comment